The Art of “Breaking” News

This is how a lady might say d news to her mom:

Dear Mom,

I know I haven’t written for three months, but I have been very busy and I’ve been having a very exciting time. Actually, I’m just back from the hospital, where I had spent a fortnight about two months ago. It was nothing, really – just a concussion on the back of my head, a broken leg and a ! hairline fracture, that I got while jumping out of the second floor of my hostel when it caught fire. In fact, I can now stand all by myself without crutches, and can almost see everything perfectly, except for a slight blur.

But don’t worry. The doctor says there is a good chance of me walking on my own again. Actually,it could have been worse, if not for that nice chai-walla who saw me lying there in a dead faint and rushed me to hospital. He was very helpful, really, and came to see me everyday in the hospital. Now that I am out of hospital, I had nowhere to go, as the hostel is still under construction. So when he suggested that I move in with him in his hut, I thought it was very kind of him, and agreed. We are very much in love now, and I am sure that you and Dad will surely like him and accept him in the family. I am sure the minor matter that he is fourteen years older than me and that he is of a different caste and religion, will not matter at all to broadminded parents ! like you.

He may be illiterate and poor, but he has a heart of gold – really, Mom, you should see how he cares for both of us – me and his wife, that is. She is quite sweet too, and so are her three children; so there is absolutely no problem. You must be wondering how you and Dad got informed so late. Don’t get angry, Mom. We just didn’t have the time. You see, we decided to get married only recently since we thought it would be unfair to let our baby into the world without a proper surname.

Yes, Mom, you are going to be a grandmother! Congratulations! I am sure you and Dad are delighted, and will come to visit us in his village in Mizoram after we shift there next week.

OK Mom. All this did not really happen. There was no fire, no fracture, no bigamous chai-walla and no illegitimate pregnancy. But I did flunk in my Mathematics exam, and I wanted you to view this problem in the right perspective.

Your Darling Daughter…

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